Grandma

October 15. The first loss I’ve experienced.







My grandmother, a woman who has a big heart, passed away just one week before my schedule to visit her in Jepara. I got all the tickets and plans to do with her when I arrived there. But, I didnt get the time. She left me earlier. A week.






There are many memories I’ve had with her. When i was in Dumai, she spent some times with my family. I remember it’s quite a long time. And i remember she used to read newspaper. Everyday. When i think about it now, i realize that she’s one of the intelligent women i’ve met. She read politics, economics, culture and many things. I was in elementary school at that time. Not big enough to have intelligent conversation with her.






My family lived in Dumai, a small town in Riau at that time whereas she lived in Jepara, a thousand kilometres away from my home. So the chance i had to meet her is pretty much a fancy thing. Everytime i saw her, she got older. More grey hair. And skinnier. Until she died.. That’s what my mother said.






I moved out to Bandung and attend a high school there. We’re less separated. Bandung and Jepara is not that far, right. They are both in Java. But, i didn’t go and visit her that often. I was still considered a little Nana. It’s not safe to travel alone for high school student and bla and bla and bla. So, i missed the time to spend with her as well.






My graduation came, and i got accepted in Yogyakarta. A 4 hours away from Jepara. Less distance but still, i didnt get to visit her that much. That time was better, i think since my mom came to visit me quite often so we used to go back to Jepara. When i saw my grandmother, she was a totally different figure. Lacking the energy, skinnier, and sometime she forgot things.






Time flies and leave you with regret if you dont use it wisely.






I moved to Jakarta.






Jepara is further. But i have more resources to use. I’ve got money, right. But again, i dont have the time. Not that much. So, i hear news about grandma from my other relatives.






I finally went to visit her in October 24. But this time, i visited her in her grave. The final destination for all human. I cried over her grave. I was so sorry of myself for not being able to meet her a week before.






I saw her bed. It smelled the same. I saw her wheelchair. It was still parked nearby her bed. Aku hanya melihat jejaknya saja. Without figure.






In memoriam of Uci. 2008.