lovely days

Lovely day spent with lovely people
When I put every worries aside for a while
And feel the blessings of the Merciful
Poured into my bags of life

It's my lovely day
And I want to have it repeated
Days after days,
Month after months,
Years after years.

It's my lovely day of life

precious family

I am thinking of my mom tonight
Wondering how she has been doing lately
And what has kept her busy for the last couple of weeks ...

When I grow older and have my own children
Will I be able to keep a distance from my beloved kids
Like what I want my mom is doing right now
Not that I don like being near my parents
But I think that we the children will behave better if we stay at some distances
I mean us sometimes say the meanest things to our parents, right?
Even if we don't mean disrespect
We do things that piss off them just to try their patience

Well I do those things
I recall myself doing that
Years and years
And don't know how to fix the broken heart
Of theirs ...

But I think of my parents often as I grow older
I like recalling he old memories
Of my happy childhood
I mean I had those happy times
And we were really happy
For that time
So

When I have my children
I'll make sure that I won't have the mistake repeat itself
I'll make sure that I show them when I care
And what I care the most
To my most precious ones
My family

thanks, brother

Just in case I didn't tell you
I wanted to say Thank You
For helping around the house
By cleaning up the bathroom.
When I found it really neat this morning,
I thought you should do it more often ;)

PS: you can have my new headphone in return, brother!

Missing Life

What are you missing in life?

Some people say it's the bigger house, fancier car or more furnitures that are missing that they try to fulfil those needs by working extra hours and spending less hours with their family. One must sacrifice something in life to obtain something they say.

Some people feel at unease with their spouses and say that they are missing the true partner for life. So they begin hunting new partners regularly without realizing it becomes their habit. Well we have to make sure that we live with our true partner for a happy life, right? That's what they believe. So the hunting never cease..

Some say, all I am looking in life is peace at mind. They go to yoga class, meditation, self-help courses and even see psyciatrist to gain such peace. But when you see they life they are living, everything is just the contradiction that keeps peace at mind away. They think help is from outside. When it should be coming inside..

In life, we are always kept busy to find the missing puzzle that needs to be found for ultimate happiness. So we are well trained to see others' life and compare with what we have. And try to invent new life to live. That is how when we start missing our true life...

Grandma

October 15. The first loss I’ve experienced.







My grandmother, a woman who has a big heart, passed away just one week before my schedule to visit her in Jepara. I got all the tickets and plans to do with her when I arrived there. But, I didnt get the time. She left me earlier. A week.






There are many memories I’ve had with her. When i was in Dumai, she spent some times with my family. I remember it’s quite a long time. And i remember she used to read newspaper. Everyday. When i think about it now, i realize that she’s one of the intelligent women i’ve met. She read politics, economics, culture and many things. I was in elementary school at that time. Not big enough to have intelligent conversation with her.






My family lived in Dumai, a small town in Riau at that time whereas she lived in Jepara, a thousand kilometres away from my home. So the chance i had to meet her is pretty much a fancy thing. Everytime i saw her, she got older. More grey hair. And skinnier. Until she died.. That’s what my mother said.






I moved out to Bandung and attend a high school there. We’re less separated. Bandung and Jepara is not that far, right. They are both in Java. But, i didn’t go and visit her that often. I was still considered a little Nana. It’s not safe to travel alone for high school student and bla and bla and bla. So, i missed the time to spend with her as well.






My graduation came, and i got accepted in Yogyakarta. A 4 hours away from Jepara. Less distance but still, i didnt get to visit her that much. That time was better, i think since my mom came to visit me quite often so we used to go back to Jepara. When i saw my grandmother, she was a totally different figure. Lacking the energy, skinnier, and sometime she forgot things.






Time flies and leave you with regret if you dont use it wisely.






I moved to Jakarta.






Jepara is further. But i have more resources to use. I’ve got money, right. But again, i dont have the time. Not that much. So, i hear news about grandma from my other relatives.






I finally went to visit her in October 24. But this time, i visited her in her grave. The final destination for all human. I cried over her grave. I was so sorry of myself for not being able to meet her a week before.






I saw her bed. It smelled the same. I saw her wheelchair. It was still parked nearby her bed. Aku hanya melihat jejaknya saja. Without figure.






In memoriam of Uci. 2008.

Isn't life a highway?

isn't life a highway,my friends?

when you want to arrive somewhere faster,then you can choose taking highway. it's barrier free,no traffic jam,no traffic light. but it costs you a bit more in the entry door...


when you choose to speed up,the rule is you're supposed to take the right lane and when you choose to slow down then you're supposed to give left signal so peope can pass you...and you let them pass you by.


when you're driving,you'll see different type of cars from the most ordinary to the most expensive ones.it's a good scenery to see them all,but dont forget that you're driving your own best car at that time...


when you're rolling the wheels,sometimes you'll be horned at times you dont like,and you may get angry..but remember,we may have no idea that the car behind you could have been in such a rush that he has to horn you to give him a way...


before entering the highway, it's up to you to decide whether it's the best solution to get you to the destination or not. so it's up to you which one you choose...


then,when you think it's the right exit you should make a turn you could prepare 1km before to make it,or at least 500m before reaching the toll exit. but,if it turns out to be the wrong exit, dont worry..you could always enter the next gate...


most important,when driving in highway, there's an end of it..no matter how far you go,you will meet the exit toll.but before you reach it,there'll be plenty signs so just make sure you read all those signs.




bandung-jakarta-bandung
june

Repeat, please

i dont remember exactly the date i got the news.it was some kind of unexpected thing for me. no reply for weeks. no hope,it might seem to me.

it was several weeks after my arrival in tokyo.almost winter if i'm not mistaken.and all i had in my pocket was not more than 1 month allowance and regular stipend from the university which would come no sooner than another 30 days ahead.

i was in desperate needing a part time job to survive and to have some fun for the next months ahead.then, i read the job announcement posted in the board at our dorm. an english teacher needed for part time job. teaching japanese students from different background for afternoon class.at the bottom it was written, "native teacher is preferred". Were i included in that category? I guessed not but still, i put an application for that job. And waited weeks long for a reply.

i did my routine activities,learning a very basic japanese language with another 7 students who knew nothing about japanese.and the teachers explained every single thing in japanese to us, japanese idiots.just great!

With that condition, i was trying to live my life to the fullest.getting up very early to avoid morning rush and heavy commuting,learning japanese like it would take centuries to master it,studying and looking for part time job.

Until one day i got a letter.written in japanese on the envelope.and i was wondering whether i've ever made improvement recently in classes.as i didnt understand the kanji words written on the envelope. Great!

I rushed to my room to tear up the envelope and read what it was written inside. Thanks god it's in english.

It started with

" dear nana san,

you are accepted at aki's english as part time english teacher. Your class started this week and you will be receiving xxxx yen/hour"

The llines went on with couple or more paragraphs,and ended with a map showing how to get to aki's english.

That left me like a happy puppy.not patient to start taeching english and get the money.(do i sound like a penny worshipper now lol).

i got off from the local train,at the station where mr.aki,the owner,said in his letter.it was dark already.and i managed to get there 10minutes early.didnt want to be late which might me lose the opportunity. No one's there and with such a kindergaten japanese i forced myself to make a call. Informing mr.aki that i was there. Waiting for him.

What did he look like?was he an old man,with hanging belly? Noope,japanese usually live a healthy life. Or maybe he turned out to be nice looking boss?wow! That would do me a huge favor,lol. What if he was a mean boss? Then i would just quit after my first salary,right!?

Then i saw him.approaching me.he was wearing formal suit.greeting me in english, "did you get lost? Was it hard to get here," he asked.






And i knew at that time, he would be a kind boss for me.






aki san,that's how i addressed him after that, became a nice professional colleague i worked with for another 9months.


And he addresses me as nana sensei, teacher nana,until now.










Minowabashi.tokyo.