12/1/09

golden rules of life

it was an early evening when i was heading to meet my friend and i was pretty behind the schedule to what i promised her. the buses were crowded as usual and i could't got into like 10 buses or so. people were just about getting off from their work and in a rush to head home i guess. and jakarta's traffic is maybe a little miniature of hell if i am allowed to make comparison. riders are speeding, cars are cutting one another, and public buses are still the winner of the road. stop where they want and speed up in a sudden.

me. i was hoping to be given a chance just to squeeze my body to hop in. and i was answered.

packed as usual in the bus, i was looking at the faces in the bus. i know some people will say it's a rude thing to do, but i just like looking at different faces after long hours they have spent at teir offices. and i liked guessing about their days. whether it was fabulous, crampy, sad or just a so so day. sometimes i met faces like worn out of life, i mean it's really tiring face that wants to get out of life. and i was thinking what that person might feel at that time.

i usually spend moderate time in looking at people faces. i mean, i dont over stare at them. so the next thing i'll do is mobile browsing, trying to be a power user that my brother always says there's no way i'll be one of them. yeah, he's just jealous because i have more gadgets. hah!

i was scrolling one of subscribed email where i noticed the subject "Golden Rules of Life" and asking myself what golden rules the author meant. to me they could be paying respect, being kind and honest, and more universal values that we all believe. i read for 5 minutes and found what the author described in 15 lines are truer words in life.

hope you like what he wrote. here's the summary

I grew up in Trenton, a west Tennessee town of five thousand people. I have wonderful memories of those first eighteen years, and many people in Trenton influenced my life in very positive ways. My football coach, Walter Kilzer, taught me the importance of hard work, discipline, and believing in myself. My history teacher, Fred Culp, is still the funniest person I’ve ever met. He taught me that a sense of humor, and especially laughing at yourself, can be one of life’s greatest blessings.



But my father was my hero. He taught me many things, but at the top of the list, he taught me to treat people with love and respect…to live the Golden Rule. I remember one particular instance of him teaching this “life lesson” as if it were yesterday. Dad owned a furniture store, and I used to dust the furniture every Wednesday after school to earn my allowance. One afternoon I observed my Dad talking to all the customers as they came in…the hardware store owner, the banker, a farmer, a doctor. At the end of the day, just as Dad was closing, the garbage collector came in.

I was ready to go home, and I thought that surely Dad wouldn’t spend too much time with him. But I was wrong. Dad greeted him at the door with a big hug and talked with him about his wife and son who had been in a car accident the month before. He empathized, he asked questions, he listened, and he listened some more. I kept looking at the clock, and when the man finally left, I asked, “Dad, why did you spend so much time with him? He’s just the garbage collector.” Dad then looked at me, locked the front door to the store, and said, “Son, let’s talk.”

He said, “I’m your father and I tell you lots of stuff as all fathers should, but if you remember nothing else I ever tell you, remember this…treat every human being just the way that you would want to be treated.” He said, “I know this is not the first time you’ve heard it, but I want to make sure it’s the first time you truly understand it, because if you had understood, you would never have said what you said.” We sat there and talked for another hour about the meaning and the power of the Golden Rule. Dad said, “If you live the Golden Rule everything else in life will usually work itself out, but if you don’t your life probably will be very unhappy and without meaning.”

I recently heard someone say, “If you teach your child the Golden Rule, you will have left them an estate of incalculable value.” Truer words were never spoken.
Excerpted from The Power of Attitude

have a golden day!

11/18/09

love letter for a person with the biggest heart


I woke up this morning and the first thing came up to my mind is a very special person that brought me to the world. Who has made who I am now. A person with the biggest heart on earth. It is my mother.

Today is special because she is celebrating her 50th and that seems to me that she's in her 30s. She hasn't grown old to me as she stays young most of the time. I mean she doesn't get old like I do. I am the one who has bags under my eyes not her. I don't know why :)

So, the only thing I asked Allah this morning in my prayers was that she'll be given all he strength and courages to pursue her dreams in life. I know that all mothers in the world put off with all he hardships they encounter in life for their children. And they postpone their dreams too. So I am asking Allah to guide my beloved mother in achieving her postponed dreams, and show her the larger than life things await.

I am praying harder today because I want to spend some of my-always-busy-life and dedicate it for her. I know that I have bad habit, we the children usually walk away from our parents as we grow older. But today I want to defeat the bad habit only for my mother. I want to stay beside, closely.

I want to send a happy birthday for my mom and to other mothers in the world who is now celebrating their birthday too!

We are no one without our mom...

I love you, mom (even I don't say it too often) !

a story of evelyn's husband

Do you believe in destiny?
Or do you agree that things happen for reasons?
I do...
Now and then

This is a story about a man,age almost 60 years old. A US navy retiree originated from the philliphines who left his country at age 18 and spent half of his life in the US.

I was supposed to sit at different seat but asked to exchange my original seat by a man who wanted to stay close with his group. And I didn't mind to do so.

That is how I met him. I didn't even ask his name.. I was more interested in listening to his story of life. I guess.

He was reading a book when I was about to sit. And we exchanged polite smile and asked formally where our destinations were. He said he headed to Manila.. For good, he added.

My wife died 24 days after her 61st birthday last august. It was a heart attack that took her from me. Even though I was the one who had by pass for my heart problem. She was the stronger and healthier. But she left me first. Alone. As we never have children. It's my fault he said.

We were about to take off at San fransisco airport when he said 'this is it' I am leaving for good to overcome my memories of my wife in this city. She left too many finger prints here and I can't stop thinking of her.

I was so sure he had tears when we took off. He hid it from me but I felt his sadness as the plane's flying higher.

He said he had no regret at all. He met his wife in San fransisco and lived together happily with her until she passed away. I just don't want to die here alone. You know, he said. I don't have any reason to stay here. No one will take care for me.

I sold my house and its furnitures. Don't need them, he said everthing in my home just reminded me of Evelyn, his wife. It's too painful. So he sold everything to his neighbour. And packed his new life in Manila. Where he has brothers to stay in touch.

How did she die? I asked after a while. I hope it wasn't too personal.

We were having weekend as usual and she asked me to join her for shopping. Why don't we go out together on this beautiful day, she said? And he was getting ready for his wife.They got into the car, when she said she couldn't breathe. He kept asking what happen until she didn't move again. Forever. He didn't even have the chance to start the engine for her. 911 came when it's too late. It's my fault he said. If only I knew how to help people when heart attack came, she could have been alive today.

Well, it's wonderful you were with her when she died. She must be really feeling loved and safe. Because most of people who have lost their beloved may not even see until the funeral. So you are lucky, I said.. I really meant it.

We both were thinking.. About life. WhAt is left behind and what to pursue. He continued reading a book by my favorite author. And I was reading a book who was written by Albom, the author that wrote the book he was reading. I don't think it's just coincidence.

He taught me something last night. Love and beloved.

San fransisco, November 6 '09

lovely days

Lovely day spent with lovely people
When I put every worries aside for a while
And feel the blessings of the Merciful
Poured into my bags of life


It's my lovely day
And I want to have it repeated
Days after days,
Month after months,
Years after years.

It's my lovely day of life

precious family

I am thinking of my mom tonight
Wondering how she has been doing lately
And what has kept her busy for the last couple of weeks ...

When I grow older and have my own children
Will I be able to keep a distance from my beloved kids
Like what I want my mom is doing right now
Not that I don like being near my parents
But I think that we the children will behave better if we stay at some distances
I mean us sometimes say the meanest things to our parents, right?
Even if we don't mean disrespect
We do things that piss off them just to try their patience

Well I do those things
I recall myself doing that
Years and years
And don't know how to fix the broken heart
Of theirs ...

But I think of my parents often as I grow older
I like recalling he old memories
Of my happy childhood
I mean I had those happy times
And we were really happy
For that time
So

When I have my children
I'll make sure that I won't have the mistake repeat itself
I'll make sure that I show them when I care
And what I care the most
To my most precious ones
My family

thanks, brother


Just in case I didn't tell you
I wanted to say Thank You
For helping around the house
By cleaning up the bathroom.
When I found it really neat this morning,
I thought you should do it more often ;)

PS: you can have my new headphone in return, brother!

Missing Life


What are you missing in life?

Some people say it's the bigger house, fancier car or more furnitures that are missing that they try to fulfil those needs by working extra hours and spending less hours with their family. One must sacrifice something in life to obtain something they say.

Some people feel at unease with their spouses and say that they are missing the true partner for life. So they begin hunting new partners regularly without realizing it becomes their habit. Well we have to make sure that we live with our true partner for a happy life, right? That's what they believe. So the hunting never cease..

Some say, all I am looking in life is peace at mind. They go to yoga class, meditation, self-help courses and even see psyciatrist to gain such peace. But when you see they life they are living, everything is just the contradiction that keeps peace at mind away. They think help is from outside. When it should be coming inside..

In life, we are always kept busy to find the missing puzzle that needs to be found for ultimate happiness. So we are well trained to see others' life and compare with what we have. And try to invent new life to live. That is how when we start missing our true life...

11/8/09

Grandma

October 15. The first loss I’ve experienced.







My grandmother, a woman who has a big heart, passed away just one week before my schedule to visit her in Jepara. I got all the tickets and plans to do with her when I arrived there. But, I didnt get the time. She left me earlier. A week.






There are many memories I’ve had with her. When i was in Dumai, she spent some times with my family. I remember it’s quite a long time. And i remember she used to read newspaper. Everyday. When i think about it now, i realize that she’s one of the intelligent women i’ve met. She read politics, economics, culture and many things. I was in elementary school at that time. Not big enough to have intelligent conversation with her.






My family lived in Dumai, a small town in Riau at that time whereas she lived in Jepara, a thousand kilometres away from my home. So the chance i had to meet her is pretty much a fancy thing. Everytime i saw her, she got older. More grey hair. And skinnier. Until she died.. That’s what my mother said.






I moved out to Bandung and attend a high school there. We’re less separated. Bandung and Jepara is not that far, right. They are both in Java. But, i didn’t go and visit her that often. I was still considered a little Nana. It’s not safe to travel alone for high school student and bla and bla and bla. So, i missed the time to spend with her as well.






My graduation came, and i got accepted in Yogyakarta. A 4 hours away from Jepara. Less distance but still, i didnt get to visit her that much. That time was better, i think since my mom came to visit me quite often so we used to go back to Jepara. When i saw my grandmother, she was a totally different figure. Lacking the energy, skinnier, and sometime she forgot things.






Time flies and leave you with regret if you dont use it wisely.






I moved to Jakarta.






Jepara is further. But i have more resources to use. I’ve got money, right. But again, i dont have the time. Not that much. So, i hear news about grandma from my other relatives.






I finally went to visit her in October 24. But this time, i visited her in her grave. The final destination for all human. I cried over her grave. I was so sorry of myself for not being able to meet her a week before.






I saw her bed. It smelled the same. I saw her wheelchair. It was still parked nearby her bed. Aku hanya melihat jejaknya saja. Without figure.






In memoriam of Uci. 2008.

6/7/09

Isn't life a highway?

isn't life a highway,my friends?



when you want to arrive somewhere faster,then you can choose taking highway. it's barrier free,no traffic jam,no traffic light. but it costs you a bit more in the entry door...


when you choose to speed up,the rule is you're supposed to take the right lane and when you choose to slow down then you're supposed to give left signal so peope can pass you...and you let them pass you by.


when you're driving,you'll see different type of cars from the most ordinary to the most expensive ones.it's a good scenery to see them all,but dont forget that you're driving your own best car at that time...


when you're rolling the wheels,sometimes you'll be horned at times you dont like,and you may get angry..but remember,we may have no idea that the car behind you could have been in such a rush that he has to horn you to give him a way...


before entering the highway, it's up to you to decide whether it's the best solution to get you to the destination or not. so it's up to you which one you choose...


then,when you think it's the right exit you should make a turn you could prepare 1km before to make it,or at least 500m before reaching the toll exit. but,if it turns out to be the wrong exit, dont worry..you could always enter the next gate...


most important,when driving in highway, there's an end of it..no matter how far you go,you will meet the exit toll.but before you reach it,there'll be plenty signs so just make sure you read all those signs.




bandung-jakarta-bandung
june

5/25/09

Repeat, please

i dont remember exactly the date i got the news.it was some kind of unexpected thing for me. no reply for weeks. no hope,it might seem to me.







it was several weeks after my arrival in tokyo.almost winter if i'm not mistaken.and all i had in my pocket was not more than 1 month allowance and regular stipend from the university which would come no sooner than another 30 days ahead.






i was in desperate needing a part time job to survive and to have some fun for the next months ahead.then, i read the job announcement posted in the board at our dorm. an english teacher needed for part time job. teaching japanese students from different background for afternoon class.at the bottom it was written, "native teacher is preferred". Were i included in that category? I guessed not but still, i put an application for that job. And waited weeks long for a reply.






i did my routine activities,learning a very basic japanese language with another 7 students who knew nothing about japanese.and the teachers explained every single thing in japanese to us, japanese idiots.just great!






With that condition, i was trying to live my life to the fullest.getting up very early to avoid morning rush and heavy commuting,learning japanese like it would take centuries to master it,studying and looking for part time job.






Until one day i got a letter.written in japanese on the envelope.and i was wondering whether i've ever made improvement recently in classes.as i didnt understand the kanji words written on the envelope. Great!






I rushed to my room to tear up the envelope and read what it was written inside. Thanks god it's in english.






It started with


" dear nana san,


you are accepted at aki's english as part time english teacher. Your class started this week and you will be receiving xxxx yen/hour"






The llines went on with couple or more paragraphs,and ended with a map showing how to get to aki's english.






That left me like a happy puppy.not patient to start taeching english and get the money.(do i sound like a penny worshipper now lol).






i got off from the local train,at the station where mr.aki,the owner,said in his letter.it was dark already.and i managed to get there 10minutes early.didnt want to be late which might me lose the opportunity. No one's there and with such a kindergaten japanese i forced myself to make a call. Informing mr.aki that i was there. Waiting for him.






What did he look like?was he an old man,with hanging belly? Noope,japanese usually live a healthy life. Or maybe he turned out to be nice looking boss?wow! That would do me a huge favor,lol. What if he was a mean boss? Then i would just quit after my first salary,right!?






Then i saw him.approaching me.he was wearing formal suit.greeting me in english, "did you get lost? Was it hard to get here," he asked.






And i knew at that time, he would be a kind boss for me.






aki san,that's how i addressed him after that, became a nice professional colleague i worked with for another 9months.


And he addresses me as nana sensei, teacher nana,until now.










Minowabashi.tokyo.


3/18/09

Friend and Family Hunt

I almost cried when Nancy sent me the list of AFS students who went to San Joaquin area in the year of 2000-2001. It just overwhelmed me.. The old memories, the warmth of strange people when I arrived at Fresno, the different foods they served (no rice? for Indonesian like me? I’d die soon, that’s what I thought), the unknown stories I was going to have, the uncertainty. It’s all for me. I didn’t even know what to expect at that time.







That day, a host family named Renee Hill with her beautiful daughter, Adelaide Hill, came to Fresno with other host families who were going to host another 27 exchange students for a year ahead. My arrival to the states was like a drama. I didn’t get the host family notification until the day I left soekarno hatta airport. So I was expecting the worst that I couldn’t go abroad since no American family was interested in hosting me. Doesn’t it hurt? haha






I cried when the AFS volunteer called out my name to come forward and meet my new host family. I was crying quite heavy, but I didn’t know why. I guess it was the culmination of my mixed feelings, of not knowing whom I was going to live, the unfamiliar customs I was going to adjust, the one year experience that would not be easy.. O cried, and Renee calmed me down. So did Addie. They were my first family that God gave me.






The first months went quite fast. Renee worked hard, as she’s a single parent who was responsible to ensure that the bread was available for Addie and I every night. And of course for our Little Bear, the cute spaniel dog! I wasn’t demanding a lot toward Hill’s family. My other AFS friends shared stories that they visited this and that area with their host families. Some of them lived with wealthier host families, one even had the fancy experience of getting on private jet (but I doubted him, I thought he was only bluffing, haha). I loved every day and night with Hill family. Weekend was always my favorite because mom would drive Addie and I to blockbuster and we would get McDonalds. I didn’t buy things a lot because I remember only brought $450 for the whole year in the states. It’s so little if compared to the advised spending money that students ought to bring $2-3 thousands. But, it didn’t bother me. As well as I wasn’t hungry lol.






Every morning, mom would drive me and Addie to school because the school bus didn’t stop nearby our home. And our home was not that close to the school. Amy (Addie’s best friend) sometimes asked for a ride, so there were four of us. It was happy time! After school was the hardest. Mom continued to work until evening, so i always walked with Addie and Moriah (another Addie’s best friend) to home. It was a long walk. An hour walk, sometimes I couldn’t bear the sun during summer. I felt like it was peeling my skin. but there was no time to complain. I just needed to ensure that I caught Addie and Moriah wide steps.. They were running in my thought, because one step of them was equal to two steps of mine. But I didn’t give up. I was pretty good at catching them =)






One day, I found mom got back from the office with the back trunk was filled with groceries. It was unusual for me because mom always asked me to accompany her to go and buy supplies. I asked her. Why didn’t you bring me along to the groceries store? She said, I was in a rush and could manage to do that by myself. Is it okay with you? Next time, I promise I would bring you a long. No big deal, mom. We went on preparing dinner together and continued with our routines. Mom would take a shower and change her night pajama. I would help with the dish and continued working on my home work. Addie was doing hers and sometimes talking over the phone to her friends.






One day, I received an invitation from our local AFS volunteer. They were going to organize a gathering with the host families and students in Modesto (I can’t recall whether it’s in Modesto or somewhere else). I was always excited to join such gatherings, because I could meet up my friends and of course the afs volunteers. I loved them! I asked mom if she could take me there. She said she could drop me off but she couldn’t join the gathering as she had other works to do. I told Nancy (the organizer) about this and it was nice of her, she was finding some family that might be able to drop me home. There was one family, Laurie Litman and Dale Steel whose daughter was an exchange student to New Zealand who was coming to the gathering. And they were willing to take me home. That’s how I met Laurie and Dale.






My life with Hill family was running well. I went to school, got back and did my home work. Played with Little Bear. Everything was enough for me. I began to spend more time with Laurie after the gathering. She was very nice of inviting me to see some places in town and visit some events. Renee did not have much time and extra money to take me somewhere during weekends. But it was okay for me. I didn’t have to go every weekend, right? Then I found out one night. I heard mom and Addie’s conversation about the possibility of hosting me for the remaining months. She was facing a hard moment. Hosting a student required extra financial ability, and that night I found the reason why she had her trunk filled with goods. It’s not because she had extra time to do the shopping alone. It’s because the church had given her some free supplies knowing that she had hard time spending extra money for hosting me. That time, I knew… I would leave that warm home soon. I couldn’t stay there any longer…